I have a mobile phone. It makes calls. It sends texts. It does very little else.
Why is this? you may well ask. Am I:
- afraid of technology?
- too lazy to go get an upgrade? or simply
- making an effort to be minimalist?
No, I would answer. It is, in fact, a result of my being relieved of my Nokia 5800 Xpress Music somewhere on Old Kent Road, Peckham. Whether I left it at the ASDA checkout or it was taken from my purse on the bus, I don’t know, and I fear I never shall. It doesn’t matter. It’s gone.
It wasn’t the best phone, if I’m honest. The touch screen occasionally gave me fits, and the handy little slide-in stylus slid out one day and I never saw it again. Also, if I asked it to do more than one thing at a time, it became overwhelmed and turned itself off. (Ha, I wish I could do that when anyone asked me to multitask!)
But there were a lot of good things about it, too. Having it meant I would never be without music on a bus, I would always have a camera handy, and I could never get completely lost, thanks to GPS. Plus there was the internet. Oh, the internet. I could look up whatever information I’d left at home, plus random tidbits on Wikipedia, and send any emails that absolutely couldn’t wait a couple hours. In my pocket.
And then suddenly it was gone. Of course I had it immediately blocked and switched my number to a new SIM card. And of course I didn’t have insurance on my absent phone (as if I’d pay for that! I never lose phones!…well now I’ve lost one), but that was okay too, because I had an unlocked phone to use. It was…wait for it….
A Nokia 1100. I never recycled it because it was only worth £1! And this is what I would be reduced to using, given the ridiculous costs involved in getting a new phone mid-contract. Oh yes, I know how ridiculous those costs are, because I looked into them. The thought of going from the all-singing, all-dancing, does-everything-but-the-washing-up 8GB GPS enabled smartphone to a tiny, monochrome screen gave me chills, and yet, I couldn’t really justify the expense of getting anything better. So I resigned myself to my new low-tech existence and left all the shiny new phones in their boxes at Carphone Warehouse.
That was over a week ago, and the most amazing thing has happened since. No, I didn’t find my old phone in the couch cushions, though I haven’t actually looked there…okay no, it’s not there. It’s still gone. But, quite unexpectedly, I love this crummy old phone! These are all the reasons why the Nokia 1100 is better than the much newer, much more expensive phone I lost:
- I don’t have to take it out of a protective case to look at the time. It’s right there on the screen.
- It’s got a torch on the end!
- The buttons were made to be pressed by humans, not telepathic cyber-beings who also have toothpick fingers.
- The monophonic ringtones are never hip, and certainly never soothing, but are always audible.
- The composer function. I made my own un-hip monophonic ringtones. (If you’ve been on London public transport recently and heard beeps to the tune of “Take on me” by A-ha, that was me.)
- It’s indestructible, and finally…
- No one will ever steal it. Who would bother?
And after all, I did survive for 20-something years without a fancy phone (and most of those years without a mobile phone at all, but let’s not get out of control here). So I don’t have GPS? I can print maps off of google, or leave a little earlier, or pay attention to my surroundings. So I don’t have an mp3 player? I have a book. So I don’t have a camera? Actually, I do have a camera. A really nice one, which I will use more often now.
So I’m enjoying my little just-a-phone quite a bit. And perhaps I can start a new fashion trend. Sort of a retro-chic. Cooler than an iphone. How cool do you need to be to have an iphone, anyway? Everybody’s got one. Yeah, I’m going to rock this old phone. And then maybe I’ll get a portable cassette player to go with it. Everyone will want to jump onto this new trend. Just wait. It’ll happen.
