Jessica McFarland

There are those who would consider the London Underground to be a kind of hell; certainly it is hot, crowded, and inevitable.

But I’ve just this week been awarded a fully-functioning line in the form of New Cross Gate station and the newly-opened East London branch of London Overground. It’s not precisely the Underground, but it does connect seamlessly to the Jubilee Line, as well as going under the ground (and under the water). It’s on the new maps and everything. Six of one, half a dozen of the other: I’m satisfied.

And to celebrate, I’ve decided to make a list of ten things that don’t suck about the London Underground:
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Oh, dotted orange line
Dotted for so long
Why can’t you be solid?

Oh dotted orange line
You hold within your dots
So much promise, so much hope
A 9-minute journey to Wapping
A direct route to Shoreditch
But no, as long as you are dotted
These things cannot be.

I see you on the map
You stare back at me
As I take National Rail.

I change at London Bridge
I change at Monument
You torment me.
You disturb my mind
As I walk from Tower Hill.

At New Cross Gate station
All await your coming.
New signs herald your arrival
Trains pass along your tracks
And your line is solid.

Alas, it is a tease
The trains, like promises, empty
The signs are vicious lies
For still, you remain
A dotted orange line.