Jessica McFarland

Well, since I last waxed lyrical about the benefits of paring down my activities, I’ve become completely stressed and feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day. What’s worse, I have a certain set of rituals to which I like to adhere in the “morning” (it’s often a bit later than that when I get up, due to working late), and they have been falling by the wayside. My life has been spiralling out of control. What happened to the simplicity?

Thankfully, this particular morning I was hit with a brain wave. I was on the Bakerloo line to West London, on my way to initiate yet another major life change. I could barely keep my eyes open, and I couldn’t focus on my surroundings. I felt a complete mess, and probably looked it as well. Well, this major life change (I was going to view a flat, if you’re interested) was supposed to be making my life more simple (by cutting down my commute), but it was stressing me out for a variety of reasons I shan’t go into here. But it was something I had to do…

…or was it? I asked myself, honestly, did I really need another major change? Even if it was for the better, of which I am not now convinced? Was it at all possible that my life was already fine?

As I had this thought, I could feel the stress leave my body. I felt relaxed and free for the first time in a week. Joy had returned, and it was all because of the realisation that I have everything I need, even if I don’t have everything I had wanted. Okay, so maybe I won’t have the great West London flat minutes from where I work. Maybe it will take me an hour to get to work; it isn’t like I have to drive. Not only do I have the more than the basic necessities of life, I have more than most people have, especially in the current economic climate (that we’re all sick of being reminded of by now, I’m sure).

The moral of the story, for me, is that, while it’s bad to fear change, it’s just as bad to seek change purely for the sake of it, to be constantly pursuing a “better” situation at the expense of enjoying the present. (A possible second moral is that the London Underground is a great place to think.)

Anyway, I left the train, had a latte and read the newspaper. And felt for the first time in a while that life was really quite good.

I have plans. Big ones. There is so much that I want to achieve as a composer, as a musician, as an artist in general. And I want to do it all NOW. Right this minute, or I feel like I’m wasting time.

Meanwhile, I’m in the grip of some huge life changes: new city, new job, new not-being-a-student-anymore. Most of these things are physically and/or mentally exhausting.

So each day I try to accomplish these major art goals, while at the same time trying to deal with life. It is invariably too much. I even start coming up with “tricks” to fit it all in: I’ll get up early and write, I’ll bring my computer with me on the train. I never end up doing these things. What’s worse is that I kick myself afterwards for “not being productive enough”.

…and then I fall into a slump, which makes the whole new-city-new-job thing harder to bear, which gets me down even more…

…until I spend all my spare time drinking and watching old episodes of Lost, silently lamenting the days when I used to do music. Ouch.

All this hasn’t happened yet, but it’s happened before, and I have an idea to stop it. This time, I will keep it simple. For me, that means the following:

• I will try to remember that there is only so much that one person can be expected to accomplish each day (even me).
• I will remember that it takes time and space to adjust to new surroundings, and that this adjustment IS productive.
• I will pick the most important musical project and focus on that during the times that I’m not working or recovering from working, and
• aside from that, I will only do small bits, and only on things I really enjoy. (Like writing blog posts. :) All my other ideas can wait.

So from now on, if I need to spend a day off doing nothing, rather than trying to fit in everything I felt I needed to do during the week, so be it. That’s better than waiting until I’m burnt out and catatonic. Simple.